Out of Order

I’ve lived in four states, met a lot of people, and experienced a lot of things. Throughout the years, there has been one thing that has never changed. Wherever I go, the copy machines don’t work. Without fail, if I am in an office setting or a place of business, the copy machine is either on the fritz or out of order. We’ve developed phones that can do nearly everything, and managed to incorporate cheese into nearly every recipe known to man, yet nobody can seem to create a copy machine that properly works for more than two weeks at a time. It would be one thing if I were the person causing all of the problems. That wouldn’t surprise me, as technology and I seem to often butt heads, the machines seem to already be broken before I even get to them.

 

Before we create MP3 players that are the size of a grain of rice, let’s take a day or two to figure out the copy machine problem.

Play For Screens

I’m not the funniest guy in the world, but I’ve always been able to make people laugh pretty easily. I’ve had a several people tell me over the years “you should be a stand-up comedian.” It never really appealed to me, because I’ve never thought of myself as a performer, but more of a commentator or observer. Self-deprecation has been a cornerstone of my humor, as I often seem to be the cause of my own demise.  I’ve always enjoyed writing, so it’s only natural that some day I would start writing down some my inner thoughts and turn them into some sort of artistic creation

 When I was in college I took several writing courses and eventually began writing a comedic screenplay as a final project during my senior year. I did extremely well on the project and always wanted to continue with it. I think the primary motivation for wanting to finish the screenplay isn’t because of boredom or the need to complete what I’ve started. I feel like it’s something I have to do. I have a few “classic" stories that a lot of people have heard, but also a lot of things have occurred in my life that no one has heard, and I want to be able to tell them in my own way. Not directly, but through characters.

 I decided to pick up this script and start writing it again. When I made the decision, ideas and vivid memories of my past started flowing almost uncontrollably. One of my biggest motivations is seeing the awful movies that seem to be released weekly. It’s not that I want to write a lame movie because it would be an easy payday, in the event I could get it into theaters. I decided to, for lack of better words “put my money where my mouth is, and show not only the world, but more importantly myself, that I can do this. Quite frankly, I know I can write a good movie that a lot of people would like, or at least something I would want to see.

 The million dollar question, what’s the screenplay about? Without giving the plot away, it’s a fast paced comedy, extremely sarcastic, with a heavy metal edge.

Celebrity Subway

It's been roughly two years since I moved to New York, and I am now moving to a new apartment. I estimate that about 98% of that time has been spent either waiting for the subway or riding it. I knew when I first became a regular rider of the rails, I would see some, shall we say, interesting things while shooting through the New York underground. Since accepting that fate, I've seen fist fights, a man smoking in a crowded subway car, a crazy lady pretending to talk on a cell phone that clearly wasn't on, and a homeless fellow, who by the smell of it, "dropped off the kids" at some point during his ride.

Unfortunately the slightest movement while reading, makes me feel quite sick, so I'm unable to catch up on the news or indulge in a bad science fiction book. With my i-pod usually on shuffle, there's a game I always seem to end up playing in my mind. It's the "Which celebrity does that person look like" game. While it's possible that I may have seen actual celebrities on the subway it's very unlikely that John Malkovich is my neighbor and is often sitting near me. I'm also guessing that Morgan Freeman doesn't frequent the F-train late at night, and I'm almost positive that Q-Tip from hip-hop group A Tribe Called Quest isn't the person informing riders of what the next stop will be. I could be wrong though

Thinking back, the origin of my little celebrity game started one night at Lambert airport in St. Louis, several years ago. My dad and I were picking up my mom, and her flight was delayed for a long time. As total boredom would have it, we started yelling out celebrity names in the direction of anyone that bared the slightest resemblance to a celebrity. The more obscure the celebrity, the harder we laughed. It was unclear if the looks of disarray and confusion from people were the result our yelling names at them, or if it was just standard airport incident procedure. 

As I move to a new area and begin taking a new subway line, I will continue to play my little game, and undoubtedly find more people that look like celebrities. Here's to the subways that never sleep and the people that ride them.

Wheeling?

I used the phrase "wheeling and dealing" today, but I quickly had to catch myself. I'm not really sure if I was wheeling, because I really have no idea what that means. I'm sure I could look up the origin of the term, but I probably shouldn't use a phrase when I'm not quite sure I even know what it means. Is it possible to just wheel without the deal, or do they always have to be together? I suppose if I just said "I'm dealing today" that might come off as doing something illegal. Maybe the whole point of "wheeling" is to signify that it's not some sort of trafficking business that is being referenced. Next year, I think my new years resolution will be to learn how to just wheel.

Stool Sample

I am thinking about going to a local furniture store to ask for a stool sample. I have no interest in purchasing anything of the sort, but I'm curious as to what will be handed to me. Will I need rubber gloves, or is it something I can sit comfortably in? It's a crapshoot. Pun intended!

Old Core

I was looking back at my old blog and decided I'd post a few of the fan favorites here. By fan favorites, I mean ones I liked writing. This first one was written three years ago to the day. That's just a coincidence! I made a few edits for purposes of content.

April 10th 2006

As an avid rock fan, there is something that's been bugging me a lot lately. It seems like every band has about ten labels put on them and their style of music. Every style of music has a scene. Yeah, even the "underground" stuff you like has a scene! Whether it's metalcore, mallcore, rap/metal, emocore etc. it's ridiculous. Every band in every genre of rock and roll has been influenced by music from the past. Suddenly it has become a negative thing to like music that fuses two genres of music. People say that I listen to a lot of "metalcore" because I'm a big fan of bands like Bleeding Through and As I Lay Dying. That doesn't bother me, what bothers me is that they say it like it's a negative thing. I love metal and I love hardcore, so why wouldn't I like metalcore? Oh, and mallcore? What is that? I shop at malls, as do most people, but where I buy clothes doesn't influence what kind of music I like. It's funny to me when I hear people talking negatively about bands that have mixed different styles of music into their own. Jeff Hanneman of Slayer, has a Dead Kennedys sticker on one of the guitars that he still tours with to this day. If that's not a sign that Slayer, considered by many to be the most metal of them all, were influenced by punk rock, then I don't know what is.

Music is like food. You either like something or you don't, and a person can't be convinced to like a particular genre of music. Whatever you listen to, there will be a million people out there that will tell you it sucks. Listen to the music you connect with. 

Loo$e Change

Is there an opposite to loose change? What is loose change actually loose from? Isn't it all loose?  It seems like we should focus on "stuck together change" or "fused change". Everything else doesn't really deserve any special attention. All this talk of change makes me want to buy something from a vending machine, something that is not trail mix. No one needs that.